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"Handbags" is Angry Kid's famous song about handbags and soccer.

LyricsEdit

ANNOUNCER: Rooney there, beating the turf, engineering the soil, mastering the muck... [cackling evilly] Oh... There's gonna be handbags!

ANGRY KID: Ooh, get that groovy beat, boy!

HANDBAGS!

Men in silky vests

Handling their little balls is what they do best

Scrapping on the pitch will only get them sent off, where they'll have to take the bench with the likes of Frank Bough

FOOTBALLS: (Bough bough)

ANGRY KID: Bough, bough bough

Check out that cheeky nutmeg (OHH!)

Trying to find an opening, where shout... (HELLO!)

Beating out the turf and showing (real grit)

But they're hanging round my box like flys 'round sh--

(air horns blowing)

ANNOUNCER: Gobbler... Nut-nut... dangerous cross to Muggler, lethal messiah to Johnson Dripper... GOALPIPE!!! 

ANGRY KID: It's the game with two halves

With shouting men and terroists with dodgy hair and staff

Heckling to Beckham and his misplaced parts

Enquiring in his Miss's every a--

(air horns blowing)

Ahhhhh, lovely Mr. Golden Balls!

Don't you look shiny!

ANNOUNCER: Johnson there dribbling out of his box

Messy...

Brown...

Caca!

Caca all over the ball!

ANGRY KID: Who'd want it?

HANDBAGS!

Whooooaa, theres gonna be HANDBAGS!

Men in little vests

Handling their little balls is what they do best

Scrapping on the pitch will only get them sent off, where they'll have to take the bench with the likes of Frank Bough

FOOTBALLS: (Bough bough)

ANGRY KID: [cackling evilly]

Prada

Guchi

Versace too

Burberry and Jimmy Choo

Do your Valentino

Chloe Conran

A girly fluffy handbag on the shoulder of a man

Nice!

We're gonna do battle, now don't slide my tackle, 'cause I see you on the terrorists' hompipes and rattles

The boys on the field like branded cattle, posing for the cover of next month's Tattle

Eerrm.

"Tattler."

"Tattler". It's a glossy little number!

No?!

ANNOUNCER: Well, viewers, it's been a hell of a match today.

I'm knob-smacked, I really am.

I dunno what to say.

...Cock knobs.

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